Cut these people from your guest list pronto!
Indian weddings are known for their grandeur and fanfare. While we are yet to understand or embrace the concept of a small, intimate wedding—there are certain kinds of people who spoil anything good by just being present. From flirty married men to angry uncles and everything in-between, here are a few peeps who should not even make it to your invitee list!
It’s not your D-day. It’s your friend from college who has been kind enough to invite you. Don’t be a d**k and try to steal his thunder by showing up in flashy wedding/festive wear that will have people think that you’re the groom. A BIG NO-NO! Check about the dress code with your friend and make sure to stick to simpler, modern silhouettes.
Well, these people are there only for the food. Remember that infamous scene from the 2009 Hindi film 3 Idiots? They will hit the food counter like their life depended on it! These people are super skilled at building pyramid-like structures with food on their plate—one that would be the envy of any ancient Egyptian Pharaoh. Enough said.
They can drink till the bartender at the counter says he/she has run out of booze! They may create a scene for this too. Also, these uncles get annoyingly philosophical and unacceptably ‘handsy’! Tolerate no shit from them: Just hide when you see a drunk uncle approaching—and have a hearty laugh while watching them dance from a safe distance!
Weddings are like landmines—take a wrong step and you’ll find yourself in front of ‘matchmaking’ aunties. Have you watched Sima aunty (who has inspired a gazillion memes) on Netflix’s Indian Matchmaking? They are always scouting the room for prospective brides and grooms! They know no boundaries—and will ask you many uncomfortable questions. They won’t understand the concepts behind online dating apps like Bumble or Tinder. If you’re not planning to get hitched soon, avoid them at all costs. Plus, make sure that they don’t find your parents too!
I’m yet to attend a wedding without a ‘gr-uncle’ who is in town especially for the wedding and will pretend as if they’ve always been around. These people will hijack the charge of integral tasks related to the wedding. These guys should be uninvited because they start making vital wedding decisions (venue, catering, wedding band, etc)—and ruin the mood despite not being close to the bride and groom and having zero sense or consideration towards what they want!
Ah, as always, we’ve saved the absolute worst for the last! Raise your hands if you’ve met someone at an Indian wedding, who criticises everything? From the décor and the band-baaja to someone’s low-waist ghagra—this person is truly there to mock everyone’s hard work. The worst is when they take on the role of a food critic! This uncle or aunty will rant about the tiniest mishaps—in and around the food counter, spare no details in terms of texture, quantity, variety, and even the price per plate. Someone must step in and ask them ‘how many bills are they taking care of’? No pay, no say!! These are usually serial offenders—so easily avoidable from the guest list!
We Indians love our big-fat weddings. They’re special and celebratory and should be memorable for the right reasons. Keep a watch out for such people and uncheck them from the guest list!
[Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock]
Eva Pavithran
Vertical Head - Lifestyle